Current Thoughts #2

My current thoughts postings aren't always going to be relevant to the news... sometimes I'm just going to post up what I'm thinking. Like so...

My girlfriend likes to watch old sitcoms that drive me damned near insane... from the original star trek to the facts of life... whatever the fuck it was that George Lopez's was called... Home Improvement... 3rd Rock from the sun... I Love Lucy... Bewitched... Sabrina the teenage witch... on & on & fucking on... sometimes I can't stand it.

I think the reason why people invented aerosol cans of fart spray was to combat the people who try to spray you with perfume & cologne & stuff like that outside stores in the mall.

How the fuck am I already half way through that half ounce? Oh... that's right... mom... & Ben.

I probably should have graciously accepted the offer for money, rather than politely refusing.

& to think that I'd turn down money during an economic crisis... goes to show that class & gentility goes farther than the rest of the bullshit people try to call out as being important.

I support NORML... & not just because I'm a stoner that doesn't want to get incarcerated, though, because I feel that one cannot intelligently support prohibition against an intoxicant as a way to stymie the substance's popularity & abuse.

"Don't Stop Me Now" by Queen.. well, suffice to say that the BBC voted it as the best driving song of all time for a reason. What else do you listen to when you're sitting at the computer, geeked & reefing out over a track that's posted to footage of Super Mario Galaxy?

... can't fucking believe that I have to go outside to smoke.

I need to buy some new pants.

Really? ...Seriously?

So, I was informed today, while at Walmart, that I could not operate a bulky metal cart [one meant for moving heavy objects alike furniture] myself... because it posed a safety risk to either myself or others... what training course that requires, I don't know. However, yesterday, yes, yesterday, the day before today, I was allowed to operate one no problem.

Though, this isn't the incredibly stupid part... what's so fucking dumb, is that while we can't move a bulky metal cart because of the safety issue, it is apparently fine & dandy for us to move things that weigh hundreds of pounds on & off of the cart without help.

Granted, we could request help if we wanted to burden those people more so than they already are with employment as horrid as Walmart [don't look at me, I wasn't shopping there, just helping others who couldn't move what they wanted to buy by themselves]... though, being somewhat of decent people we weren't trying to do that... hell, my friend & I were only there to help move heavy shit, might as well do it or it makes our presence as redundant as the half assed corporate policies that wouldn't let us operate something as simple as a fucking cart, while we could move around enough weight to kill somebody, all in the name of "safety".

Meanwhile, when somebody tells you something so stupid, you know it isn't in the name of safety, the entire dumb-fuck of bureaucracy is all about liability... & if it becomes liability that's one thing, but be honest about it & say so. Don't tell me, "you could hurt yourself" because that insults my intelligence, it implies that I'm stupid enough to injure myself with a bulky metal cart...

Now, as far as how these types of bureaucratic dumb-fucks are going... well, let us just take a look at the financial institutions currently faltering [there's a fucking time & date on the post & if you're too fucking stupid to look it up in reference to the economy, fuck you, you're the sort of imbecile who'd hurt somebody with a shopping cart & create a bureaucratic dumb-fuck of policy to enforcement over liability!] as a result of what was supposedly "bad loan practices"... at least, that's what you'll get told by some jackass reporter on a major news network.

You go ask your local friendly patron at damned near any blue-collar bar in the nation & they'll tell you that the entire scenario boils down to the rich making sure they stay that way... not that I frequent bars, though, I smoke enough pot with people who do to be able to tell you the sort of shit that they'd be liable to say.

As far as me & my ultimate opinion... well, this is all about the empirical control of wealth & power structures. This is about trying to stymie the cycle of death & rebirth within the global economic structures... truth be told, it has far less to do with the sanctity of the working man than damned near anything else, because commoners barter their ways through the turmoil that those grasping for a hold on the empirical control over wealth & power structures face in times like these. The real threat here, is the commoners who don't try to barter, though, lunge for the reigns & take ownership & have hold of the course & decide the direction for the future wealth & power. That's what all this "bailout package" talk is about...

Current thoughts #1

So... on one side of the world we have people playing pirates in the most literal sense, quite so that there isn't any playing around involved, at least, none that I've heard of. Just goes to show that we're not quite to the road warrior stance over shit in the developed world as of yet... good news too, means there's some hope out there.

Then, you've got a bunch of asshats lined up for the release of the new blackberry cellphone whatever... what can I say, at least they're moving the economy along on some level or another, way to go super geeks!

There's a big uproar about some kids online suicide, like it was the first time this sort of thing has happened... the video is the only thing that's making this an issue from where I'm sitting. Sadly, this sort of thing has happened before & even more sadly, it will likely happen again.

I hope Al Franken gets into office... because he's good enough & he's smart enough & gosh dangit, people like him... besides the locals & the obsessive, who's even heard of that other guy?

Then we've got Verizon workers getting fired over a breach on Obama's cellphone or some shit.. which, is a load of crap... it's an issue when a person does it to the government, but when the government does it to a bunch of people, well, that's fine & dandy... fuck that, cheers to the guy who got canned, I'll smoke'em a blunt or buy'em a beer if I happen to run into guy somewhere & it gets brought up.

Craziest of all... people are floating around in space, working on some crazy shit & that's well beyond what most of us are up to trying. Give it up for the astronauts... they stuck with it, they did what everybody wanted to do, they're up there living the life, making the dream happen.

Somebody just shot up the local mall earlier today, known as "South Center"... it's in Tukwila Washington. Two hit, one killed, the other critical... sounds like it was either some personal drama between the parties involved, or something gang related. Very specific for such a public place... & what's strange, "was last seen running through the mall, wearing a one-piece black outfit with red piping," said Mike Murphy of the Tukwila police.

Fuck Texas. I had to get drunk to enjoy myself in that state & I've never liked the whole "Don't mess with ____" type of attitude... you say some stupid shit like that & what's the first thing somebody does? They go & mess with it... keep in mind, this is the place where they killed Kennedy... & really, for all I care, Mexico can take it back any time now.

I hate math... I know it can be incredibly useful, but I just don't like it, never have, probably never will. There's just a certain level where, when you've learned how to multiply, divide, subtract, add & average... you can balance your check book & there isn't much left for you to do if you're not trying to go into applied sciences.

I want to go play video games... I'm going to go play video games.

1st post... well, first real post.

I have an adult content warning so that I can use dirty words like "Fuck", because, when I feel at ease & comfortable with the company I enjoy, I use the word & the various variations it has quite regularly. Not that it is a filler term for every other sentence, though, it does pop up from time to time & I can hardly post what I actually think if I can't say "fuck".

That said, it's fucking great to actually say what I feel like in a "public forum"...

Also, curse words are the least of the problems most people are facing. It isn't a big deal for some one to go out of line & use a derogatory term or an obscenity when they're feeling impassioned about whatever they're speaking of... I'm hardly one to try to avoid using such terms, except in proper circumstances, when I keep my teeth over my tongue to keep myself from saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.

Nonetheless, the "strong language", as the movie ratings call it, isn't the only subject of this post. My larger & over all subject will be... Jesus.

Might as well get this shit out of the way in the beginning. From birth to the age of nine years old, I lived in the great state of Kansas, in the USA. I lived primarily in Wichita, & briefly resided in Maze. Suffice to say, it can be pretty hard to avoid religion in the bible belt. I was baptised at I don't know how many years old, or so I've been told, I can't remember the event, so there isn't much for me to say about it... The church I remember going to doesn't need to be named, suffice to say that I seem to remember it as having been a Methodist church [though, I could be mistaken, I do however, recall my mother telling me that we're "Christians, we're Methodists" as I was younger]. Nonetheless, it was a castle to me then, a big stone building with the neat glass windows that were made into colored pictures. It was just like in the movies, only, so damned boring. It seemed to be mainly populated by old people that enjoyed dull & time consuming things, like talking & reading... & when they would sing they would always sing the worst songs. Until the end, when they'd hit this one tune about "hallelujah" & we'd finally get to leave, probably what made me enjoy that song the most, I'd actually sing it. At one point, they started making us go to what they called "Sunday School", which, pissed me off, because, what the fuck is that crap? Its the weekend, I go to school all week, I don't want to go to school here, its boring here, I don't want to go to church, I want to watch cartoons, I want to go play, there isn't even any video games...

So, as a child, church was obviously a chore... as I grew older in the region, it for some time, became more of one. My sibling, cousins & I were hounded on & dropped off [not to imply our parents used the church as a day care center, simply that at such an age, it was how things seemed]... We had to sing in the choir, we had to study things & come up with answers, we had to be on our best behavior & well groomed. However, as we started to rebel & make our own fun in this environment, things changed... we started to mouth along, being silent, as if we were singing... or glance at each other & start to sing in the lowest tones we could muster out at that age, shaking with silent & sometimes audible laughter all the while. Older kids would bully us & slap us with their folders of music sheets, some of them doing so in a vindictive & hurtful fashion rather than loving & playful... though, we put up with it to some extent. Over time, we started making jokes & slacking off in Sunday school, telling the Sunday school teacher things like "we go to school all week, I don't want to do this... I don't even want to be here"... we started to become "problematic" & eventually, as word got around to our parents & our parents weren't liking the extra tidbits of, "advice" I suppose I might call it, they were getting from other people around the church [most especially from someone who didn't have any kids, from what I remember of my mother's comments], we stopped going so often & I was no longer in programs I didn't want to be in. I was still forced to go & sit through long boring lectures & sermons in the church with my parents from time to time, though, wasn't involved with the bullshit wanna be community of those who had no other life than the church anymore, not directly anyways.

In fact, it became such a rarity, that it seemed we only went for special occasions, like Christmas & passover & other religious holidays, Easter, etc.

& so time passed like that until I moved far away from the state of Kansas & moved to "the greater pacific northwest" as it is sometimes called, to live in Washington state. Not that I had known it at the time, though, we had moved to a fairly liberal area & were in somewhat of an alien environment from what it had been in Kansas. When we first moved into the state, we lived in Redmond, right across from the Microsoft headquarters... in what were then called the Cambrian apartments. My first truly multicultural experience was in a clash that to me became humorous... &, has to be explained in relation to what was then my faith... as I knew it, the devil was evil & god was good & Jesus was the man, I was to have nothing to do with the devil & evil. Meanwhile, some kids who lived in these apartments were from I believe, India... three of them, a boy roughly my age [9 years old], a girl give or take the same & a much younger kid, probably about 5 if that. Anyways, these kids would harass my friends & I, they would call us devils, which, to me, was Satan, Lucifer, the morning star, the devil, evil, wrong, bad, the worst insult I'd ever been called at that point in time. It infuriated me & the mocking way they would take their hands to their heads & point their fingers like horns while calling us the devil. As time progressed, while a friend & I were making our way to an arcade, in the middle of a large open & somewhat wooded area between most of the apartment buildings, they came to mock us... we told them to go away & leave us alone, they did not take us seriously until I eventually threatened to "beat up" the biggest of them, the boy roughly my age. At this point, the girl & the boy realized a line had long since been crossed, though it might not have seemed like it to them, while the youngest of the three did not heed our warnings & threats, not understanding that play time was over & this had come to the point of violence. Apparently also not understanding English, he continued to approach my friend & I, not responding as I told him to "get away from me" & so, being as upset as I was, I lightly shoved the youngster & knocked him down, to which he began to cry & scuttled his was towards his brother & sister. They retrieved him & ran home... my friend & I made our way to the arcade & took out our aggressions in a digital realm. However, on our way back, here the trio came at us once more, my friend suggested we just go & I refused, still upset about being called a devil. My friend cautiously stayed by my side as the eldest of the three challenged me to a fight in a fashion that still makes me laugh to this day.

As if in the old cartoons of bugs bunny I would watch, he 'put up his dukes', did a little fancy foot work & told me to "put'em up". Not only I, though, my friend as well, started laughing, thinking of old cartoons & bugs bunny all the while... In fact, I was laughing so hard that I didn't take him seriously until he punched me square in the chest. I drew in air sharp as the blunt force stung in my chest & suddenly the fight was happening. I could tell he was serious even if he didn't get it... that was no way to fight, he was totally open, trying to box me in a fight, that's no stance to have. I gritted my teeth, stepped back, doubled up my fists & squared up with him. I started to circle & then stepped in & feigned a jab at his face & kicked him dead in the gut as he went to block then hit him in the side of the head with a left hook & he fell back & over onto his side. I backed up & could see the shock on my friend's face... he'd never seen me as the type of kid who'd be ready for a fight, let alone come back from a good punch I wasn't expecting, though, he'd never seen me in the trailer park back in Maze Kansas, so I suppose that's probably part of why. Looking back I could see that this kid I'd barely started to pummel was beat, he was hurting like he never had before, it was definitely the first time he'd really been hit by somebody. He was crawling to his feet as his younger brother & sister were running away, screaming words I didn't understand & he got up then started to run & yelled out what still sounds funny in my mind, he said what sounded like "MARMY!" like it was some sort of crazy dialect of "Mommy" which, in all likelihood it was, because his mother was on the doorstep before he said that & I giggled then chocked as she came running & my friend said "this is no good."

She was stern & angry, wearing strange clothes, asking who my mother was... I was frightened & upset, angry as well, her son had called me the devil, then challenged me to a fight, then run to his mom after he lost... he broke all the rules I'd picked up around the trailer park & play grounds. Nonetheless, I told her in no uncertain terms that she needed to stay the hell away from me & if she wanted to talk to my mom that was fine, she could follow me home & knock on the door, but she had better not get near me or I was going to run... & so it went, she followed from a distance as my friend panicked & worried about getting into trouble. I told him "they started it, over & over again, we told them to go away & they wouldn't, they kept calling us the devil & then he hit me first... I did everything I ever been told to, I told them to stop & I didn't start a fight, all I did was protect myself, we aint' gonna get in no trouble for nothin."

My mom told us to go into my room & then came back a short while later asking if I'd started a fight, to which, I told her "NO! I DIDN'T START NO FIGHT! I GOT IN A FIGHT BUT I DIDN'T START IT! THEY CALLED ME THE DEVIL & HE HIT ME FIRST!" to which my friend chimed in "YEAH! THEY CALLED BOTH OF US THE DEVIL! ALL OF'EM! IT AIN'T LIKE THAT HE DIDN'T START NOTHIN!" & my mom told us to calm down & asked us for the whole story... meanwhile, having this other child's mother waiting on our doorstep. So, it all comes out & being two rational & reasonable women, they wanted us to make up & play video games... so, there it was, I was forced to enter my enemy's home. He wasn't so bad, he had a lot of cool looking stuff laying around & a super nintendo... though, the super nintendo wasn't exactly his, it belonged to a teen brother who'd apparently been some sort of unseen antagonist of the fight & there-by, had to let his little brother play with his new friend on the SNES. This was where the cultural divide was eventually drawn once more... after about a half hour of donkey kong & us getting bored, I noticed Mortal Kombat II on the shelf & got really excited. "I play that all the time! That's an AWESOME game!" & so, we played... & eventually, his mother was horrified to see an 8 & a 9 year old playing such a violent game, fatalities, people being set on fire, cut in half, arms being ripped off... oh it was an awesome game. Though, that was about when it was time for me to go. Never had another incident with those wonderful people, though, we never really played together after that either.

Point being, if I hadn't been raised to have the belief in Jesus & the devil that I did, that entire incident might not have played out as it did. I might not have been offended by the gesture & might have imitated it & done it back, thinking it to look funny & humorous... who knows what could have happened?

That incident aside, my spiritual life was pretty much non-existent until I became an even more rebellious youth, reading up on the actuality of religion & what's in the different versions of the bible. So where does all this fit in with Jesus besides as a generality?

Here goes... does Jesus exist or did he? I don't know... I can't tell you one way or the other. There's a hell of a lot written about this person, there's a lot of people who'll tell you this & that about who he supposedly was & what he supposedly did.

I'm no historian, though, I've read some stuff written by some historians a few times & that gets me to my point about not knowing... I can take an other's word for something on this, that's all... I never met Jesus, he never came down & presented himself before me, I can't read Sanskrit or authenticate its authenticity... I'm not scientist, so all I've got is the word of humans & damn how fallible humans can be.

I was raised a christian & now, if anything, I'd call myself an independent spiritualist. I believe in a God, an omnipotent being, one whom I've bargained with for its ownership of my soul, that's just me though & I can't exactly define this shit to other people when it isn't exactly defined in my own mind... I don't know if my God is the christian god or not, I don't know if Jesus existed, I'm not sure about that, I'm just sure about this deal I made with God & I'm not about to go into detail about that shit with anyone except God.

Now, as for the term Christ & it's implications... well, suffice to say that archaeologists & historians tend to have a different take on relation of the term's literal meaning... the anointed one, as Christ literally means, has an implied stance about the use of marijuana. The holy anointing oil, used to anoint the various Christs, or, Hebrew kings, called for 9 pounds of the flowering tops of cannabis plants, which, just happens to be the most potent marijuana you can get off of the plant.

So... what do I think about Jesus, should Jesus have existed? He would have been black... & likely to have used marijuana... also, I find it doubtful that the man was as peaceful as those who wrote the stories would have us believe, truth be told he probably had an armed brigade with him regularly & his presence was anything other than welcome in more circumstances than not, especially in regards to the central historic figures he'd supposedly met with [other figures that might not have existed for all I know, just like Jesus]. Not that the man didn't preach peaceful philosophies & have a well rounded ideology of coexistence & understanding... just, I doubt those around him were so willing to let the man who was going to save the world be without any form of protection.

If he was the son of God, well, I suppose he'll be forgiving of my errors & skepticism... I suppose he'll be able to forgive me for getting the wrong information or having the wrong ideal in heart... because, if so, he did die for my sins after all.

Honestly, as far as Jesus goes, I'm really not worried about it... if Jesus was the cool dude people make him out to be, then I doubt that things are going to sour for me if I ever meet the guy. If nothing else, it'd probably be a humbling experience.

Just starting out...

I am an unknown, you don't know me & if I have my way, you never will.

My intention is to express my unbridled thoughts, thus, "What I Actually Think". I feel that I am able to express myself without cause or concern here, unlike in person, where, I might feel the need to be more cautious & contemplative in what I say to avoid anything other than niceties...

& so, it begins.